Jack-o-lanterns aren’t that scary, but a shoe addiction is.

Is your wife or daughter constantly going shopping? Are you finding bags and boxes from designers you’ve never heard of? Does your mom have a separate account she hides from your dad so she can go buy more pairs of shoes?

Yes, guys, I’m talking to YOU. These are all signs of a (not-so) rare addiction that can be helped only through the greatest of interventions: shoes! (Signal to play music from Psycho in the scene where she gets stabbed.) This is a very scary thing, and when it comes to Halloween, don’t let it overtake your fun. Get her help. Otherwise her (and I’m guessing your’s as well) closet will look like mine.

So while you’re watching American Horror Story remember that there is a greater horror story that could be going in your bank account. Happy Halloween folks and don’t forget to tune in this Friday for the shoe of the week!